the hardest battLe.

Everyone hits rock bottom at times.  Some chose to give up, others hard as it may be try and try to prevail and stay strong.  Those people understand the meaning of life. What is the meaning? Every one has a different opinion. My life and the meaning to it is love.  Nothing matters more to me than that.  When your sad, alone, stressed, going through any type of difficulty iif you have love you will pull through it.  Wheater its a friend, family member, or our so called other half, knowing theres someone there who cares even if its just one person gives us the strength we need too keep pushing forward.  Life is about happyness, its about caring for each other, its about smiling, being friendly, giving the best of you.  Life is about defining your own self and not letting life define you.  Your life doesnt make you, you make your life and only you can control it. Life means being strong even when you feel like giving up.

Lately i have ben struggling with the hardest battle.  The battle of going against my own heart.  My heart was holding on to something, something that was once the most amazing thing i had in my life.  I had let go, yet my heart was and is still holding on to it. All that does to me is hurt me, it makes me suffer, it makes it harder to cope with. Harder to deal with and harder to move on.  Sadly i cant force my heart to forget not even if i try, knowing that time heals all ii get frustrated because i dont know how long it will be.  i hate every feeling i hold inside me.  being hurt can sometimes make you forget the good inside of you, it can make u rot inside, it can make you act in ways that you cant even imagine.  I say this because its happening to me right now,  I want to go out there and not have feelings, i want to play games like they played with me, i want to lie and cheat and break hearts, i want to not care and not feel, but i know thats not me and i know i do not want to turn into someone i hate.  Im fighting and fighting, fighting this bitchy atttitude, fighting my smart ass remarks, fighting for my good heart to stay good and not let the weakness of hurt and pain turn my beautiful heart into an evil pumping organ inside of me.

I am thankful to have those people that on a daily basis make sure im ok, on a daily basis send me a simple sign that they care or are concerned about my well being.  Those who keep pushing me to stay strongm and keep reassuring me that the sun will shine again.  Those who when im rolled up in bed come over and pull me out of it and remind me they will not let me stop living because of this.  I see them smile at me, i see how valuable i am to them, how beautiful i am in their eyes, how they try so hard to make me smile, and it means so much to me.  For those brief moments i forget my pain, i forget to cry, to frown, i dont allow myself to remember.  Regardless no matter what before closing my eyes at night he is always the one i think about the one i whisper i love u to, even if  it means im whispering it to my own self.  I never knew how much having to let go of someone you loved was until now.  I had never given my all away because i was scared, scared to end up where i am now.  But i gave my all away, and i dont regret it because i know that everything we experience good or bad teaches us something in life.  And i may not be that funny, dorky, hyper little girl that everyones used to.  I may not be in the bestest of moods.  I may not be as fun to be around with as the usual.  But i guarantee thats temporary, because i do not know from where or how but i will not let this win me over.

As of now ii need to cry ii need to let all the pain out until its all gone and out of my system.  Im not ashamed to say im hurt, im not ashamed to say i have cried, im not ashamed to say im heart broken.  why? because i am not the one who let a good thing go. it shows that unappreciated, uncared for, and used i still gave my all.  I loved, i was sincere, honest, i cared, i didnt break a heart.  I did things the right way, yes i ended up loosing.. but did i really???? Diid i really loose, nope i gaiined.  I gained  strength, i gaiined learning a new lesson, And ii gaiined a friend, that lady he calls mother is and will always be special to me.  She has taught me a woman can over come anything alone, that a woman can move forward, abd that a woman as hurt as can be keeps her golden heart n gives love regardless of how hurt she might feel inside.  Mayrin is the name of the precious angel who he calls mother.  not everyone touches your heart but those who do are worth it all. 

i may not be the most perfect person out there.  I may not have the perfect attitude.  I will piss u off, get on ur nerves, give you headaches.  But above all of that i know all the qualities i hold.  And i know and im positive girls like me are pretty much no where to be found.  I can loose everythiing in this life, but no one can take me away from me.  No one can take my heart or my feelings, my morals, my self respect.  i belong to me, and for me i will one day smile and forget what it was like.  I may always remember him, hos voice, his eyes, his laugh, his scent, his kisses, hiis hugs,  Thats ok with mee... i will smile and remember that at one poiint he was what kept me smiling.  i know i will be okay.... all i can do now iis smile even if iinsiide

everything is broken and shattered...  but ii have my crazy glue in hand and i will put all the pieces bakk together.. angiie is not going out of business... Life always always goes on!

THE PAST

the past

is it really the past or iis it just a future that will always hurt you? sometiimes forgeting and letting go isnt the way out and isnt the best or smartest decision to do. they say to never let go of something or someone that once made you smile. yet i ask myself whats the point of holding on to something if its not the way you wished things were. lately i have ben asking myself so many damn questions and yet every question i have is answered with another question. wishing life came with a instruction sheet ... Why is it so hard to move on sometimes? i think its because for so long that person has ben a part of you that its all you knew. all u saw, all you felt. in my case i have never ben the one to dwell on someone or fight to keep them in my life. but theres a certain someone whom i just cant seem to let go of. not for one reason but for many. some may say angie your stupid others may understabd mee.. but ii guess all that really matters iis what ii feel n want!

somethiing to reflect on:

Decir adiós



Quizá para mi forma de ver la vida, decir adiós no es una frase, implica el abandonar una parte de tu vida para comenzar una nueva. El dejar no solo a la persona de quien te despides sino todo lo que te ata a ella, no significa olvidarla, al contrario, pero sin dolor.






Para decirle adiós a una persona primero debes estar completamente seguro de que quieres que salga de tu vida, de que tú te diriges hacia un camino donde no hay cabida para los dos; pero sobre todo debes asegurarte de que esa despedida es para los dos el capitulo final de un libro lleno de recuerdos felices que llevarán toda su vida.


Si no puedes convencerte de esto, es inútil que le digas adiós a esa persona que quieres, porque esto dejará de ser un hecho, para convertirse en una frase fría y vacía que al contrario de hacerte mas fuerte, te desgarra el alma al repetirte cada día, que habría pasado si en vez de abandonar a ese alguien hubieses luchado por el y esa es una duda que con el tiempo se convierte en frustración, en un capitulo vació que te esforzarás por borrar y tanto será tu esfuerzo que lo recordarás aun mas.


Dicen muchos escritores que recordar es volver a vivir y el volver a vivir un capitulo triste de tu vida te hará temer cada día mas en volver a equivocarte con alguien.


Todo en esta vida es pasajero, pero no es fácil dejar que la vida pase frente a tus ojos sin que tu sepas que la estas desperdiciando en cosas inertes que solo te hacen creer que eres feliz sin preguntarte si lo eres.


Porque a veces vivimos tan esforzados por encontrar la gran felicidad que nos olvidamos de esas pequeñas alegrías que le dan sentido a nuestras vidas.


Estas seguro de que el decirle adiós a esa persona que quieres es un hecho que te conlleva a ser una persona feliz, realizada y sobre todo consciente de vivir su vida plenamente y que el día de mañana recordarás a esa persona y no te atormentará.






¿Que hubiese pasado si...?


Analízate y cuestiona antes de tomar una decisión, por que esto te ayudará a crecer como ser humano hoy y para siempre.

i hope when you realize

what you had it isnt too

LATE

Truth is Beautiful

I have learned a lot lately. Some of the things I have learned have been because I myself have experienced them, others because I have observed people closely and learned from them. Sometimes we get hurt, others we are the ones doing the damage. Until you are the one getting damaged you realize how much it hurts, how much you try and try to feel better yet nothing seems to make you smile. I truly believe pain cant be forced to go away, memories cant just be forgotten from one day to another, you cant stop caring or loving someone just because you choose to. Life doesn’t work that way, if it did we wouldn’t grow as a person, we wouldn’t know how to value anything, if nothing ever hurt we wouldn’t have anything making us stronger. Some say life is unfair, I agree. All you can do is keep pushing forward and keep living. You were put here for a purpose, as so was I. Needless to say we all have different purposes in life, different aspirations, dreams, goals, lifes, attitudes, strengths, weaknesses. Regardless of how different we all are I believe we all have what it takes to make the best out of our lifes. If it was up to me I wish everyone was real, I wish liars didn’t lie, cheaters didn’t cheat, killers didn’t kill, and I ask myself how or what made them that way?

I believe I am an unperfect person, as a matter of fact I am very much aware of how unperfect I am. Yet to my parents I am this perfect human being, to them nothing seems to be wrong with me, to them and in their eyes they have never seen anything as precious, pure, beautiful, innocent as the person they see in me. To others I probably am the opposite. I probably am concieded, arrogant, self centered, dumb, retarded, weak, ugly, worthless, a bitch, slut, whore etc etc. I simply don’t care though and why? Because those people are meaning less to me. They cant harm me, nor break me, they cant face me there fore they do not exist, some thing that doesn’t exist isn’t real, and something that isn’t real is worthless. As unperfect as I am and can be I also know what makes me unique, what makes me stand out from most girls, what makes me realize how much im worth. Those who really care will discover your true beauty, and im not speaking of beauty of the outside im speaking of the beauty within ourselves. Beauty is only skin deep, the prettiest people can sometimes do the ugliest things. Whats so great about a beautiful outside if its insides are rotten? Nothing, absolutely nothing at all.



My point is we all make mistakes, we all lie, we all hurt, we all cry, we all suffer we all fight an individual battle each and everyday. Regardless you have to always remember to stay true to yourself, you can lie to the world if you’d like but never lie to yourself. Lying to yourself is suicide. Don’t worry about being perfect, don’t worry about changing who you are. Those who love you will love you for your qualities and not for your weaknesses. Love means accepting someone for who they are, its appreciating the little things they do for you, its cherishing them and showing them with actions how much they mean to you, love is seeing an unperfect person as the most perfect and precious diamond. Never worry about imitating or being something your not. Do what makes you happy, and be the best you can be at being yourself. Think about it who stands out more, all those striving to be like everyone else , or he/she who with his struggles pushes forward, stays true to demselves and is standing alone, alone but real, unique, and worth a whole lot.



Boobiie;;