not letting anything inside this is my blog and for any who care i hope u understand what im going through

Speaking with a therapist can be very good and they make you realize about alot of things. The lady i speak to has made me realize alot and in a sense they make you see things in a different perspective. It feels good to know you can say anything you want to say and feel without any limits or without being afraid of getting judged. Its good to know u can just let it all out. Yesterday she asked me how i felt when it came to getting love and attention if i felt like i had enough of it. As i was writing back i just started to think and think. 
 Honestly attention i have. I have plenty of it. I think i have the attention most girls wish they had. I have attention from my family, friends, nieces, nephews and even from people i dont know. But if we dont have the attention from the people we want then we still feel like we dont have any at all. I think thats how ii feel. I think if i didnt have my daddys attention daisys dad would be like a father to me because he treats me the same way he treats daisy. He hugs me kisses me worries about me hes like a second father figure and he would fill that void. But i do have a daddy and a daddy that loves me very much. My point is.... Sometimes we love a person so much that theyre attention and affection towards us can make a big difference. But what happens when u dont get that attention from a certain person what happens if you just dont feel the love u once felt from them? I dnt know. But it does hurt. Im in a difficult situation myself. Its hard to have hope and its hard to hold on to someone like that. And as much as i love that person every day i jst feel like ima give up on them n on the hope i have. Can u blame me? I think not. My therapist showed me something important she told me that love isnt just love. Love isnt just saying i love you or saying im here for u. Love is showing them with actions, love is showing affection, love is learning from each other, love is spending time together, love is arguing fighting but holding on. Love is HONESTY, LOYALTY, TRUST AND COMMUNICATION

Then n there when said those 4 words i realized something and it made me sad and i started crying. Sometimes u know and you realize that the hope your holding on to is lost. Your realize that your doing alot and receiving so little in return and as much as a part of u just wants to give up and let go ur heart wont let u
But sometimes being smart implies to forget what u feel and remember what u really deserve. If u know u gave ur all and the best u could, then be proud of yourself,  smile, let go, move on and dont look back. No one deserves to be un appreciated by someone who claims to love them no one!!!!!!! Theres alot of ppl out there that can ofter u what u want and deserve. Its just a matter of u allowing yourself to be happy.. Dnt feel guilty dnt feel bad your doing whatever it is that makes u happy. Love isnt selfish and when u love someone u let dem go because u want dem to b happy. One thing u always must remember is love never walks away people walk away. sometimes they walk away others its gnna be u the one whos gonna have to say i dont deserve this and ur gnna leave.

Letting go isnt easy.. Its a battle.. But time really is ur best friend. If ur ready to let go do it. Dont hold on to a false hope. Fool you once shame on them, fool you twice shame on you. Everyone deserves a second chance but sometimes u give dem those second chances and all it does is hurt u a second time. My heart is in pain. Its holding on but the hope is dying. And any minute it can just say angie i cant do this anymore. :[ but how can u not hurt. How can u make the person realize what theyre doing to u.? I think they know but if they trully cared theyd change. All i want is for that person to tell me whats going on. What is he waiting for. But why ask if everytime u ask u get ignored. Isnt that a sign.?  Silence can sometimes be the most painful truth cant it :(

But its those slaps in the face its those moments that they make u feel like shit what makes u realize i shudnt b holding on anymore.. U dnt have to let go from onr day to another. U can slowly one day at a time stop bein dere as much.. U dnt stop loving dem.. U never will u'll just stop showing it.. Until someone who cherishes ur worth comes along and makes u forgt about all the pain.. So what am i gnna do..? Like my thetapist said whatever u decide be sure about it and never ever contradict urself by going bakk to sumthing that is hurting u so bad... Loving someone is painful.. Buy it shudnt have to be painful.... I know now that love blinds us because we allow it.. But enough is enough.

Love isnt a maybe thing, love isnt a today i love u but tomorrow im jst gnna kinda like u, love isnt a half thing... Love is giving ur 100 % and receiving the same in return. Love is a sure thing. Love is cherishing the other person and showing off to the world how lukky u are to have dat person. Thats love.. Thats what i want.. Need and DESERVE!!!!!! my heart is not a play thing my heart is not a toy... And neither am i.. Neither are any of you. Sometimes your the only one causing urself pain by allowing others to hurt uuuuu! Truth hurts but u cant change it you accept iit and learn to fac iit.. im not gonna say anything anymore, im not gonna beg him to open his eyes.

Why should i do that?? why? 3 years ago he promised me hed never hurt me and i wish one day he can feel how much he hurt me. he hurt me more than any other guy.  Its sad, sad to realize that the one guy i changed for was the one who did me wrong in the worst of ways.  but karma is a bitch.  i wont sit here and make him pay im not gonna sit here and cry him a river anymore, im not gonna sit here and hate him. im going to live my liife, im going to allow new people in my heart because now i know guys come and go but only one will stay with me forever and hes gonna be the lucky one to get al of me!!!! I WANT IT ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

toooodleeessss :]

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