dis is beauty at iits best!

happy thanksgiving t0 every0ne :]
my life has ben a tough 0ne
but ii w0uldnt want iit any 0ther way
im thankful f0r what my life is as 0f n0w
and wh0 ii have
ii am complete!


" you were everything i was hoping for but you made me realize you were everything i never wanted"
Letting go of ppl doesnt mean i hate you, it just means I LOVE MYSELF TOO MUCH TO HOLD ON :]
Men love a little and often, woman love alot and rarely.. Sooo true... Men r just blahh wakk n a waste of time. YOU either play dem or u get played true spit!!



And u can see my heart beating u can see it thr0ugh my chest im terrified but im not leaving i know dat i must pass this test! Just pull the trigger!


ii want hiim s00 bad hahaha

take a l00k at me n0w!!!!

my b0dy
iis the 0nly g00d thiing i 0wn and have
asiide from my heart
it is why day by day
ii pr0tect myself from
beiing hurt n liied t0!
ii never want t0 hurt again


Without trust dere aiint shiiit and ii trully am sorry to say this but kiss my ass ii am DONE with being nice to anyone. Done tryna convince u im real WATEVER!


No matter all the support ii have by everyone in my liife ii am also alone, alone in dat moment where no matter wat no one relly knows wat having e.d feels.



ii kn0w ii havent been writing much about my pr0blem... lately ii have ben doing very g00d iive ben eating regularly if s0me0ne was t0 see mee dey'd have n0 clue ii had a pr0blem with eating.. has iit ben easy? n0, n0t at all. every time ii eat ii still run h0me after a meal and ii wanna weiigh myself because ii feel ii gaiined liike a million p0unds.. wat calms me d0wn iis dat ii have ben doing al0t 0f exerciise and dat reliieves my stress.. its just gaiining weiight really really scares mee.. t0day ii alm0st criied because ii iimagiined myself beiing all fat because 0f h0w g00d iim eatiing and f0r  a m0ment ii thought starve urself agaiin wiithout no one findiing out.. but den ii saiid no angiie ur fiine.. at dee gyym everyone says iim skinny and thiin... iinsiide of mee ii feel liike telling dem g0sh shut up and st0p lyiing t0 mee.. sometiimes ii ask myself do ii see what dey see.? am i the 0nly 0ne dat sees a fat obese c0w? ii know iits ironic but lately iive felt a lil better in my 0wn skiin.. even though ii still feel liike gosh ur s000 fat angiie.. ii thiink ii gaiined liike 10 lbs... but n0t iin siize just iin weiight.. ii diid paniic ii fkn hated myself f0r iit.. but ii told myself iit was okay because ii h0nestly feel liike th0se 10 lbs gave mee a lil bit of my liife and energy bakk.. ii also tell myself now ii willl loose those 10 lbs but the HEALTHY WAY! ii love goiing t0 dee gym.. iit reliieves my stress and kiinda takes me away t0 a better place..ii love just being dere and sweating and l00sing cal0riies.. my b0dy iisnt wat iit used t0 be.. ii kn0w strength wiise ii am n0 where near t0 the str0ng angiie ii used t0 be.. but iim tryiing... ii really am.. ii dont thiink dere ever will be a day where ii dont think of my weight.. but ii made myself a pr0miise dat iif ii wanna get smaller whiich ii d0 and ii am ii am g0iing t0 d0 iit the healthy way.. eatiing riight and 6 times a day and goiing t0 dee gym.. d0 ii still feel liike f00d iis my enemy... yes... sometiimes ii wiish ii had that will t0 starve agaiin liike ii started doiing july 15... but ii cant... ii cant because a part of me will no longer let mee.. ii just wonder t0day iif dere ever will be a day where ii look at myself and thiink " you have reached ur g0al" what iim afraiid 0f n0w iis reaching my g0al and den setting a new g0al with a lower weight number.. iim afraiid 0f al0t 0f thiings and ii get s0 em0ti0nal thiinkiing about thiis...im scared of beiing fat.. ii know iim no where near iit cuz iim consiidered thin, skinny..... but.... what iif ii gain 10 lbs 20... 30.. what iif one day ii become fat.. ii dunno what i'll d0.. but ii just feel liike f0r me that isnt an optii0n ii hate t0 say iid rather diie than be fat.... and when ii say that ii mean it.. wiith all dat saiid.. ii pray t0 g0d t0 help me wiith thiis.. because yes ii need strength.. and ii need faiith that everythiing will be ok..

wiith all thiis saiid, ii wiish u all a g00d niight :] g0d bless u all.. t0day ii am sleeping 0ver my hunnys house.. being in his arms als0 helps me al0t.. because at the end 0f dee day ii kn0w even iif ii gain a pound more or l00se 40 m0re hes always goiing t0 be here... just liike he has ben... iits when ii wake up and see him hugging me when ii realize that moments liike thiis make me love being aliive.. he makes me feel speciial, beauiiful, loved, cared for.. he keeeps me warm when my b0dy trembles he makes me gl0w iin the dark :] and every step ii have taken wiith him ii have not regreted.,. i am glad how far iive g0tten with him.. iits tiime f0r bed n0w..... and tiime t0 spend qualiity tiime wiith my baby :] g00dnight and may g0d bless u all..

remember ed iisnt ur friend hes ur enemy... he will kill u and destroy u... ed is a bad relationship ur in.. break up wiith ed and never ever g0 bakk! iif ii have ben str0ng and getting by s0 can u.... dont be afraiid t0 ask f0r help please... ur n0t al0ne.... ii love u all.. even iif ii d0nt kn0w u

thiis iis me n0w!:]

Goodbye to you/

Whom I once loved/
Who brought me happiness/
Who made me one/
Goodbye to you/
who has shattered my heart/
It sat in the palm of your hand/
As it fell apart/
These tears are for me/
Yours have been shed/
As our memories and thoughts/
Exit my head/
My mind was once yours/
Now it just oozes sadness/
Like my head was full of a million sores/
I Loved you.. Once../
No more/
I say goodbye/
It hurts/
But what you did/
Was much worse/
No happy endings/
Or happily ever afters/
As a matter of fact/
None of this matters/
I contemplated Slit wrist/
And ending this/
But logic hit/
And made me think/
I loved you once/
But no longer/
Losing you hurts/
But it will only make me stronger/
Goodbye my love/
Whom I loved/
No longer/
I forget your name...

I SAiiD T0 him
come kiss me/

Come feel me/
Press your lips gently on mine/
Lay with me while the stars shine/
Keep me warm/
While the Wind climbs/
Lets just look into each others eyes/
Promise me your words will never be lies/
Promise me the world/
Promise me our lives/
Hold me closer/
Give me hope/
Realize my dreams/
Don't Ever let go/
Don't ever say no/
Or leave me alone/
And when your next to me/
Pull me close/
And show me extasy/
Make me sweat/
Make me moan/
Take me to a place/
I have never known/
Then bring me back let me know/
That im your everything/
As you are mine/
That without me the sun does not shine/
And the night is everlasting/
That withought each other/
Life is not worth having/
That there is a connection we cannot resist/
That without a doubt/
It is for each other that we even exist.....

he SAiiD T0 ME:
You are my heart/

You are my soul/
You are my universe/
I will hold you close and keep you warm/
Even during the coldest winters/
I will be there from your most imense pain/
To your tiniest splinter/
I will give you hope/
That you give to me/
That we will live so happily/
I'll never leave/
Or sieze to care/
I will be with you/
Even when I'm not there/
Our love is a rose/
That will never wither or die/
Because the sun on it/
Will always shine/
And through the pain/
And through the tears/
And through the anguish i'll be here/
By your side/
Through thick and thin/
We will wether the storm/
And always win/
I will take you to extasy/
And have your body with beads of sweat/
I will show you a Love that you will never forget/
And you'll say my name/Through both pleasure and pain/
And we'll experiance over and over again/
And when we return/
We'll catch our breaths/
And you'll realize our love prevails beyond death/
And I will Kiss you
As I look into your eyes/
Then pull you close/
And whisper goodnight...