the voices!

when i recently started noticing the negative voices in my head i got scared, at first i thoght i was crazy or that i was sooner than later going to go insane.  With time i learned that these voices are highly associated with having an eating disorder.  Sometimes i like to sit and think that my problem isnt as bad as others may have it, but i also do know that as time passes it gets worse and worse and my obsession to get thinner and thinner and eat less and less increases.  Theres days where i wake up and as soon as i wake up i start thinking on how i will avoid food or how im going to tell or trick people into thiknking i have eaten already!  if i think about food or feel hungry there ar times that i do get mad at myself because i tell myself that starving myself means success. Those are usually on most days, and on those days my voices are my worst enemy, yet at the same time my best friend. 
I have 2 sets of voices one of them is me the normal angie, the angie that wants to be happy, healthy, the angie that knows a healthy life is equivalent to healthy eating and healthy balancing.  The other voice is angie with an eating disorder shes stubborn, she gets mad, and shes very over protective when people try to get between angies negative voice and angies body. on those days shes usually stronger than me.  She makes me starve, she makes me drink teas to empty out my system, she makes me hate myself, she makes me get depressed, she makes my life a living hell. 
But above all thjese voices are what harm us more than anything. i dont think many people understand the concept of voices when i refer to them. All i can say is its hard to deal with it and its scary at times how much control they can have over you.
i hear these voices every day of my life now. the good voices the bad voices but i wish i could once and for all put them on mute.  I want to get help. I want to talk to someone who knows exactly what im going through and someone that can help me recover and be normal again.  Regardless of my problem not being as serious or bad i know and i admit that i need help before i get worse and before my health gets weaker than it already is.
Ive spoken to the closest ones to me about my problem, but taking the second step is causing me alot of hesitation and fear!

Fast Facts 8 million Americans have an eating disorder

7 out of 8 are female

Men and boys account for 5 to 15% of eating disorders

95% are between 12 and 25

Usually appears in adolescents or young adults

Three main types: anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder

Treatable medical illness

Treatment tailored to individual needs

Can cause numerous other physical health problems

Several variations

this is what the media teaches us
to them this is perfection
how can any meat on a bone
be perfect is this picture says other wise?
Just as the fashion world seemed to be coming around to promoting realistic portrayals of women, designer Ralph Lauren has come under fire promoting an unhealthy aesthetic of dangerously thin women.

Bloggers have slammed the legendary American designer for an ad that shows model Filippa Hamilton in what appears to be a heavily altered photo. The ad in question appeared on Boing Boing, with a blogger noting “Dude, her head’s bigger than her pelvis.” Indeed, Hamilton, whose thin body appears to be in keeping with the fashion industry aesthetic of tall and incredibly thin, looks emaciated in the photo.

But the fashion house did not take well to the criticism and slammed the site, claiming that the use of the image was a copyright infringement. Boing Boing shot back saying it was fair use because the reproduction was being used for purposes such as “criticism, comment, news reporting etc.”

Still, despite the legal issues, we were concerned by the imagery in the photo. The message of a model who is already probably less than 115 pounds having 20 pounds digitally removed from her body is disconcerting at best. After Glamour magazine and other fashion sites have been praised for the use of plus size models, some are arguing that Ralph Lauren is moving backward.

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